It’s too dark in here. I left the hallway light on but I guess at some point in the night she must have turned it off because it was bothering her. The ceiling fan is twirling wildly and the humming noise exerting from it sounds like a car alarm for some reason, the blades look like they are about to fly off the fucking hooks literally and for reason it doesn’t bother me. I feel around for my phone, I extend both of my arms out to the side and feel nothing, her side of the bed is cool so she must have left a while ago, I kick my foot around until I feel the familiar shape by my foot. I use my foot to drag it up to me and click the top home button to cascade light into the room, the setting on the phone is way too high and the spill of light illuminates my small room quickly. I blindly see the notifications piled up on my home screen and swipe them away to see the actual time.
My plane leaves at 8:00 and I’m not even packed yet. Larry will flip out if I miss this flight, Flying first class isn’t cheap – Fuck ‘em. I lay back down and over think the way the night played out – could have been worse, could have been better – Obviously it wasn’t good enough to keep her overnight- but didn’t she say she had shit to do today anyways? Oh well fuck it. I scroll though the missed calls and text messages and scan until I see her name,
text message 4:45 am – Ivana “I got to go, don’t take it personal- I’ll ttyt, have a safe trip”
She’s smart, it was a summed up text, she made it hard to respond with something clever to make it sound like I don’t care that she left without saying anything, guess I’ll wait till I land in Accra to text her back. Make her wait for that text, as Jason says #Boyrules. I don’t want to fucking care that she left, but she just blindsided me again. Last week, out of nowhere, she texted me to come home, I wanted to see her more than I wanted to admit. Fuck who cares maybe she was my rebound after Ann Marie – who still hasn’t fucking called, I wonder if she’s dead actually. My thoughts start to trickle to a new path and somehow I end right back with Ivana telling me not to leave in the first place.
“this isn’t the life you want Roy, you will never be happy out there on your own, you
know I’m not coming with you it’s me or this band .. make your choice”
And I did, I chose my band. The ones that didn’t love me every other days, the ones that didn’t make me feel stupid for singing in the shower or playing shows when only three people showed up. Ivana was the Epiphany of a typical girlfriend. She is gorgeous, even more now since I’ve haven’t seen her in years, she grew her hair out like I use to beg her to do, she’s taller than me , great pussy and a killer mouth. She was the girl everyone would love in person; talked to everyone she met, always made friends easily and ran her own successful clothing line. But she was more than that too. She knew me the way no one else can relate, she knew me for good and bad and there was always plenty of bad, Ivana had a way of making you feel like shit and like heaven at the same time, I never would have left if I Larry didn’t approach me about signing and going big and getting out the shit hole town I was in. I was young it was the exact thing I wanted to hear, but not Ivana, she gave me my ultimatum and I made my choice. Until now I haven’t seen or spoken to Ivana in almost four years. Seeing her again just felt right, she’s been here for three days and now I wake up and she’s gone. She came back long enough to trap me into her web just to leave again, she wanted to make sure she still had that grip on me. Fucking dammit. I roll over to my side and reach around on the floor with my fingertips waiting for the contact between my fingers and the cold glass I was searching for, I feel it and grasp the handle and pull it up to my chest, now in a sitting position I take off the lid and pull back two very long hard swallows of Jack. It sears the back of my throat and I can feel the disgusting feeling start to fade, Ivana is of the past, she’s a no one compared to who I am now, yea she has a nice pussy I would be stupid not to fuck her.
My confidence starts to build up again as I take another long hit from the bottle and push myself up out of bed. The thin sheet falls off of my body instantly and I can feel the full blast from the fan now as my nipples harden under my t-shirt. I can smell her sex on me still , so quickly without hesitation I pull the shirt off over my head and shake her out of my mind literally, I use my phone as a flashlight and make my way towards the hallway to the bathroom. I tip toe pass the spare bedroom not knowing if Jason and Drew are still in there and step on something sharp in the process – God damn— are you fucking kidding me! It’s out of my mouth in a scream before I can prevent it and as if on cue Drew bust out of the room in half sleep stage wearing only his boxers. Shock is the only description I can pin to the expression he is wearing as he looks away and at the floor.
“Ummm are you ok Roy, I heard you cry out .. just checking” he peeps though his hair at me then looks down again quickly and I have to smile at his attempt to be honorable. ” Yea thanks man, fucking stepped on something, go back to bed I’m fine. Seriously, thanks”. Without looking back I continue to walk to the bathroom and hear the door click behind me within seconds. Good kid, can’t help but think of how the situation would have turned out if he just stood there or better yet if he had followed me. Good thing he didn’t, I’m in a horrible fucking mood. I literally hop to the bathroom and lock the door behind me. I bend over to examine my foot closely and don’t see anything, go figure. I hit the shower to wash the smell of her off of me and to shave every single part of my body that she touched. It was nice rendezvous, but a part of me is glad it’s over.
I turn my Nokia up on loud as one of my favorite songs start to play, and start mentally thinking about what I’m going to pack.
A new day Roy, Let’s fucking rock this shit.